Bittersweet
by Soratopioggia
Summary: "I think you loved him- no. I know you did. I think you still love him. And I think that you're still looking for him in me. I- I'm not him." Xanxus x Tsunayoshi


Hello~ Sora here xD another one-shot up! Please enjoy and uh don't hate too much? o3o

* * *

Bittersweet

_I think you loved him- no. I know you did._

_I think you still love him. And I think that you're still looking for him in me._

_I-_

_I'm not him._

It's different with him. _He's_ different. The soft, gentle way he trails his fingertips down his back and lets out puffs of pleasurable sound tells him the whole story. The way he smiles softly at him- he really can't take it anymore. Those smiles looked more anguish than anything. Xanxus already knows that it's his nature to be gentle, but this…it's different. It feels like he's afraid that the Varia boss was going to break down. He feels like glass.

He's definitely not glass.

It's annoying.

"You still love him."

It comes out more blunt then he'd expected. He doesn't mean to bring the past up, but he's getting sick and tired of all of this; especially the empty smiles void of any happiness nowadays. He knows the brunette is trying his hardest to cover it up, though he barely scrapes by.

"And that's never to change."

"I love y-"

"I know. But I wished things were different."

He leaves the room after that, leaving a hurt boy sitting upon his king bed to pick up the pieces of his own heart.

_I thought I could change things._

_I let you down._

…_I'm sorry_

It's the way he wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, and thrashing around while he calls for _his _name, that sends little bolts of pain coursing towards his shut off heart. "It's ok. You're fine." He sweeps aside the feeling, and instead pulls the brunette close to his muscular chest, all the while as he whispers nonsense into his ear. The quivering body will slowly stop, and curl shakily against the provided body heat.

Xanxus will reach up and card his rough digits through the fluffy brown hair, as the breathing of the other come out soft and light; a sign that he's asleep. It happens every night. He's always there right next to him.

_When we first met, when I was 24 and you were 14. You weren't grown up. You didn't want to grow up, yet you were forced to in the end. It was for the sake of your comrades- no, for your family and friends. I honestly thought you were just a stupid brat back then, but when times got harsh and situations got complicated, you've always pulled through. I respected you for that. _

_After the time travel incident, I saw you again. You still looked the same, along with the way you acted but this time, it looked like you held the weight of the world on your shoulders. To say the least, I felt pity for you. I've always wondered why you took the position of the Vongola heir in the end. You didn't want it, nor did you desire it. _

_I wish things were different._

_I couldn't protect you._

_Sorry._

He turns a blind eye whenever he hears quiet sobs come from behind the closed door of their shared room. It bothers him, but he doesn't do anything about it because he knows he does more bad than good. So, he turns the other way and ignores it. And although the brunette comes out hours later with a big smile attached to his face and the usual caramel eyes, he can always feel his locked heart shatter into a million pieces at the strained happiness.

_I should've done things more differently._

_In the end, I couldn't protect you._

_I shattered your already fragile heart beyond measures._

_I-_

The ebony haired male gets an earful of shouts and accuses from the brunette's storm guardian one day. Ironically, everyone is crowded in the dinning room (the Varia to his right, and the Vongola to his left) except for the person being spoken of and _him._

"You're only making it worse!"

"Give him back to us!"

"He can't keep going on like this!"

"…"

"It's all your fault he DIED!"

Everyone in the room was suddenly enveloped into a tense silence, as they finally registered what Smoking Bomb said.

"I-"

"Save it."

His rough voice cut through. Maybe it was his fault everything turned out like this. Running his coarse hand along the side of his scarred face, he let out a barely audible sigh. That's right. It was always his fault in these situations.

"Do whatever you want."

Standing up from his seat at the head of the table, he brushed past the astonished faces of his fellow assassins and exited the tense atmosphere. It didn't matter if they took him; he never truly belonged to him anyways. So, what exactly was the point of keeping the heartbroken boy locked up in this cage of thorns? Ridiculous. He should have never gotten wrapped in the web of lies the sly spider spun. Now it's too late, he has _fallen_ too deep.

_I failed. _

_Farewell._

_Tsunayoshi Sawada._

It was truly stupid of him to impulsively jump in the way of multiple gunshots just to save him. He knew he had fallen deep. It was a dark hole, and no way in hell was he going to able to climb out. He really was stupid.

This was the easy way out, he knew. Even if for a second he thought he was clearing away most of his sins for this heroic act. Heh. This role definitely did not suit him. He was always going to be the bad guy in the end, one way or another.

_Sorry._

_I couldn't keep my promise._

_Maybe next time, maybe I'll get to see you in the next life._

_I doubt it._

_This is goodbye, for good._

Something wet landed on his cheek. What's this? Straining to open his eyes for one last time. Another drop. His muscles screamed at the forcefulness, as he willed his eyelids to flutter open. The first thing he came to was the fuzzy outline of someone's face- no, his face. Another drop. Oh. He's crying. These are tears.

He wants to say it. The three forbidden words he swore he would never utter out for the rest of his life. It didn't matter if Yamamoto Takeshi still resided within his heart, all that mattered to him was saying-

_-The End-_


End file.
